My previous post, instigated this post…
It’s a funny thing when you grow up with people being so curious about you because of everything your Father earned and built with your Mother.
Momma Chen never gets much credit and she has always so humbly taken the roll of “Bad Cop” to Poppa Chen’s “Good Cop.
Not quite sure how I fit in, cause I know I most definitely have been the nasty cop, bitchy cop, annoying cop, weird cop, bratty cop, athletic cop, supportive cop, protective cop…
Jeez, I’m kinda just feeling that I may have answered so many questions in the midst of this blog, maybe it’s just easier to say I wear the many hats my parents do not and doing so has taught me several valuable lessons throughout the years.
Although, I must admit, many of those lessons I am just learning now and it’s a lot.
Growing up I always thought it was normal and common to know that we are all the same, because we are different.
Although I would judge people for their differences, I didn’t discriminate, if that makes any sense. I had a kind of nonjudgmental judgment, I have no idea where I learned this from, but I do think it had to be greatly influenced from watching Momma Chen.
Momma Chen has always been the Watch Dog of our family and incredibly protective.
Observing her cautious eye translated to me as child as judgement.
Ironically, it was my habit of judging people that was actually my love and intrigue for people and our differences.
Like I said, I always had this weird nonjudgemental, judgmental thing going on in my brain, but it was out of a genuine curiosity for the desire to understand the unique individual qualities that make us all so unique.
Everyone was like a piece of artwork to me and as with art, some I liked and some I didn’t like.
Although I love and respect my parents deeply, dearly, truly and incredibly, they were the least interesting to me.
This Tai Chi world they created was my truest intrigue and it had ZERO to do with Tai Chi.
I loved the people, the accents, the languages, the skin colors, the smells, the sounds, the sizes all the differences that made them all the same, because once you joined our school you were just family.
This is where my trust and innocence took a beating at times, cause I have this terrible habit for thinking everyone thinks like me and therefore acts towards me, only as respectfully as I would always treat them.
Lets start with the women…
Even as a child I could tell when women liked my dad, too much, especially when I was younger cause they would try to act like a mother to me, I felt this and I never liked it, it made me uncomfortable, but I also knew how much my Dad loved my Mom and vice versa, so I never felt threatened by any of these women. They just silently annoyed me and I can even name who they are to this day, but I won’t. In all honesty, how could these women help themselves from falling for a man like my father.
You know what I would like to observe as a small child? When these women would hold their eyes and head low around my beautiful mother… Something about their own self deflation was enough of a kind of apology for me. Somehow it made me strong to see this and it made me feel proud to have them cower around my mother, because my mother is magnificent and I could feel they respected that.
As I got older identifying these women became a bit more fun, cause I could rough them up in class a bit, never anything too much, just a little, cause it was my way of just keeping them in their place. Just give them a little taste of what can could get so much worse if they don’t respectfully get back into their place.
What baffles me are the women who would try to form a bond with me, because they had an agenda. This was fun. I would get extra rough, but always catch them before they fell, let them down gently… on the ground and stand above them, pause and then reach out to help them up. This was only in push hands class.
There’s this technique called Fa-Jing. Its just a sudden burst of energy while staying physically connected to your opponent, that when executed right can literally shake them inside, to where you, yourself know that their organs have been rearranged. I may have done this to those sneaky women once or twice and always kinda acted as though I did nothing.
People think the best thing about perfecting martial arts skills and techniques are the for the purpose of showing them… Absolutely NOT, not for me at least. I could pull moves that were so slick and subtle people sometimes really didn’t even think I touched them cause I would flick or pop just at the right angle when passing with the distraction of other students. This was my chess game and I was definitely the Greatest of Grandest Masters here. Sometimes I even surprised myself.
Something about me always has had a hard time hitting a woman and for some reason part of me has a harder time hitting a man who holds a fight stance worse than my grandmother.
Never could or would hit a woman in the San Shou class and when I was paired up, I could never violate the kind of trust it takes to glove up as a female student in our school, bedsides I had sneakier plans for them.
When I started fighting, women were so few and far between, but my fights were always against women.
Men and Women have such different energies and believe it or not, I had a very hard time hitting a woman. I think it’s also cause I always felt like such a masculine brute, I though it was unfair and impolite of me to hit a woman. I knew I needed to change this mental block and the only way to do it was to create sparring partners for me and that was always my project when I could get women to glove up at the school.
Actually, my project was always to get everyone to train San Shou so I could have more sparring experience.
There’s really no better fun than I’ve ever had during my fight days.
Unless you’ve ever fought, you could never know.
And back in my days, in my life, tournaments were my extended family.
I’ll save the story about growing up amongst the men at the school for another time…