I am a competitive athlete, that’s just who I am.
When you compete you never know how you are going to be judge, but that’s not what it was ever about for me.
I LOVE the training process.
Training was the reason why I competed.
Competition wasn’t about “Game Day”.
Competition, to me was about Me working to achieve my fullest potential and then using “Game Day” as a test to see where my skill level was at.
I’m human, I get nerves, but the jitter of the nerves, that inner flow of zest made me feel the most alive I have ever felt and then at the same time I also would wonder
“What the hell is wrong with me?” Answer: Everything
“Am I crazy?” Answer: YES
“Why do I do this to myself?” Answer: *Check Previous Question
People tend to think I being born into my life was something that my DNA had been programmed for since birth, its a funny “Yes” and “No” kind of answer.
Yes, because I had been exposed to this kind of lifestyle as my lifestyle since childhood, well, basically birth.
No, because, how does anyone know how to be a competitive athlete?
For me it was little trickier, I wasn’t just an athlete who would compete.
I was this guy’s daughter too.
William CC Chen, he’s about a regular guy you can imagine, well, at least I thought this, until I started dating… Then I realized just what an incredible quality of a person my father actually is. For what I understood the standard of a “normal guy” to be, it was a standard actually way above average and perhaps the reason why I prefer to be single.
Dad is quiet, hardworking, unassuming and just very laid back.
His silence can be louder than mom’s quick hand across the face, he’s just that kind of person who makes you feel with every cell in your body and nothing is worse when you have felt that you have disappointed him.
It’s his economy of words and the soul spoken from his eyes that hits you where you are meant to feel it. In all honesty, it was always easier to deal with mom’s methods of physical reinforcement. There’s something in how dad can make you feel that sticks to you like a kind of crazy glue and it’s always better for it to feel “crazy good” than “crazy bad”.
The “crazy bad” lingers like the feeling you would imagine the action very high cholesterol takes on your health as it slowly clogs up your arteries, breaking down your internal system, weighing down your heart, muffling the beats your body fights to perform in order to keep you alive. Perhaps I may be feeling a little emotional this morning too, but this is really the kind of impact dad really does have.
His “crazy good” was always felt at every single tournament I entered and that made the whole intensity of the events that much more intense.
Already, I was used to the attention dad would draw and I had become accustomed to a certain kind of attention that I got from being his kid.
People would usually ask “Are you William CC Chen’s kid?”. I had no name and a strange sort of non-identity, identity. I didn’t mind it, I was used to it.
There was something also comforting about having the blanket of my dad’s identity become mine, but this was also where my competitive life would be unnerving, exciting, confusing, frustrating, fun and monotonous.
When you step into the competitive arena as your father’s daughter you feel the eyes of so many on you looking at you as though you are supposed to pull a rabbit out of your hat. Sometimes I felt like I was on one of those big stages in Vegas, cause it was that same look I felt I had on every occasion I would get to see Siegfried & Roy, it was magical and who doesn’t love a bit of magic every now and then.
I don’t dislike any of my competitive experiences, they were always incredible.
I really did LOVE all of my training experiences, even thinking back on the pain of certain moments is just another depth of love that I was discovering the feeling of.
What my lifetime career as a competitive athlete taught me was the true value of “Risk”.
Risk and the feeling it creates is only about the Everything that is waiting on the other side of it.
The Risk is the Gain.
But you have to work hard to respect the value of the Risk and understand that every single Risk is going to elevate you to your intended you.