I’ve heard dad say this in so many ways throughout my life.
All throughout my life, hearing this almost always meant something different, because of how my understanding of my own self has always evolved, even now, as an, almost adult, this phrase means so many different different things, but in the same way.
As a kid, it was so hard to understand what this thing called “feeling” is. As you get older this thing called “feeling”, or rather, these things called “feelings” mean so much more and effect us in so many different ways.
Feelings, they have the power to almost create an instant physical cure of almost any ailment or they can also create an instant physical illness, stemming from heartache.
The Heart. Dad has spoken about it in the physical and metaphysical sense, but of course dad shares his love affair with the metaphysical aspect, because it is the metaphysical that is unexplainable, except, for what you feel. What you feel is unique only to you and no matter how you try to explain it or share it’s feeling through words, we are always brought back to the language of “feeling” that can only really be experienced and shared through the beauty of all things art. Sometimes beauty is ugly too. To see the ugly in people is life’s gift, showing you who to eliminate.
We are all unique beings with unique relationships, which all stem from the unique quality of our heart.
I must share that it was hard for me to understand dad’s concept of feeling, associated with movement for a very long time. My mind was too simple, too linear, I needed the experiences of life through hard-work and pain. The discovery of passion, in many different ways. The discovery of pain, through the mechanism of betrayal. The learning of hurt caused by this thing we call love. The love of power, through the actual physical connection of my own body, William CC Chen’s Body Mechanics. The desire for happiness because of the relationships outside of my own love for my own family almost always leading to constant disappointment and heartbreaks of many types.
Basically, I had to learn feeling in a broader range outside of happiness and the feeling of safety created by those who love you, to learn the true meaning and the honest power that comes from always being true to your own heart and the strength of building from all kinds of pain.
Now, this isn’t some sad love story at all. This is just a realism that is life.
“Always go from your heart”
Is also about knowing how to be good to your heart. Understanding limits and boundaries that you have to set for people, because, human nature has become so unnaturally artificial in so many ways.
As I write this I am also experiencing the boundaries technology enjoys pushing with autocorrect, which I’ve never asked to correct. We’ve even programmed our technology to think for us, the way people love to think for others, or rather, what they think they can manipulate, to manipulate our thinking… It’s as though people have become conditioned to “autocorrect” to always meet the terms of their own selfishly furnished environment. It’s like sparring with a person who keeps turning to run and then they point the finger of blame at you for hitting them on the back of the head. How on earth can we keep up with anything nowadays with all of the advances made in the manipulations of the honesty that is meant to be portrayed through feelings?
Wow, Feelings… I seem to have gone off on a slightly therapeutic rant ; P
Back to Body Mechanics and Feelings.
Throughout the years dad would always bend over backwards to describe technique in every which way that wasn’t physical, but the more he told me not to be physical, the more confused I would always become. How on earth could I NOT be physical if I was moving with my physical being? None of it made sense to me at the beginning.
As time would inevitably go by, dad would patiently repeat himself in every which way he could possibly imagine and what started to speak to me above all else was the incredibly strong feeling of LOVE I always felt from him and the how the intensity of that love would drive him to never give up on everything, I still couldn’t fully understand. Little by little though, the desire to want to understand my father would make me train harder and more on my own. I would find myself drifting back to memories of my days spent figure skating and learning the new tricks that always kept me endlessly intrigued. If I saw something I wanted to learn, my feelings, my desire would drive me beyond the limits my coaches would set for me, because nothing could stop this thing called feeling inside of me. After-all, I am First and Foremost, my Father’s Daughter.
This thing called feeling, it’s also what gets us in trouble sometimes, especially as a kid, in much need of learning how respectfully, respect boundaries and limits. Some people NEVER learn this. Greed is their choice and to them, Generosity is only an option they so willingly take advantage of, from others. In the game of Tai Chi though the Greedy never Prosper, because with Tai Chi, you have to be willing to give of yourself, in order to learn about yourself.
This is the part that made learning a bit hard for me when I was younger. I was kid. Kids are taking in everything and for the most part, in good homes, given everything, all we had to do was ask. You don’t understand feelings until you start to respect boundaries and you don’t understand boundaries until you have learned from your life lessons. Although, I did meet up with my bestest gal from Junior High School and it warmed me to the core when she said she remembered that I was always trying to do nice things for other people. This has got to be one of my top 3 compliments of my life at the moment, it just made me feel so good.
In so many ways, Dad’s quote:
“Always go from your heart”
Translates in so many meaningful ways as I get a chance to evolve in this life.
Without the essence of the Heart, there is no feeling for life.
How do you feel about your life?